From Peter Brandt

I met Tom in 1997 in Los Angeles where we both lived for awhile. My wife Lida knew him from New York.

10 Miracles Tom performed during his first four decades:

1. Within one month of meeting Tom, he had transformed me from a simple hillbilly into a suave Los Angelino. Tom introduced me to the Johnny Rockets veggie burger, and cooked me the very first Indian-food meal I had ever come close to. The latter was a horizon-expanding experience which ignited within me a 10 year passion for indian cuisine, which has, in turn, been an ass-expanding experience.

2. In the 1990's Tom unseated Gray Davis, then sitting as Governor of California, and Tom is the current governor of California. Tom was able to accomplish this political coup because he is an assassin sent from the future and he has a titanium alloy endoskeleton covered in living tissue. Or I may be mistaking Tom for someone else.

3. Having only a single leftover Astro-Burger veggie chilli dog in his refrigerator Tom nevertheless broke it, and fed 13 members of the band Trial and their associated roadies and make-up artists. None went hungry. And he let them stay at his apartment, even though I only asked him like 15 minutes before they showed up.

4. Tom let me stay at his apartment while he was out of town and even though his bedroom door somehow got broken on my watch, and he didn’t get mad. Ordinary wear and tear, dude. I replaced the door with one made of particle-board alloy, covered in living tissue. Still waiting for a thank-you note.

5. Few people know this, but Tom was the roadie in the film Another State of Mind, and even to this day he continues to dye his hair various colors every other day to reflect how the tour is going.

6. Tom indirectly introduced me to my wife, which was pretty cool of him.

7. Tom adopted an entire litter of kittens in Los Angeles. Coincidentally, one of those cats was also comprised of titanium alloy covered in living tissue, and was sent from the future to eliminate Ted Nugent.

8. As I understand it, Tom wandered in the deserts of Alabama for what seemed like 30 years, then returned to the promised land (Los Angeles).

9. Tom is very handsome for someone with fuschia hair and a pure titanium nose.

10. Taking a page from Norman Rockwell, Tom gave himself a tattoo of himself giving himself a tattoo.